I’m writing this to recount, reflect and recondition!  I had a big wake up call two weeks ago for the second time, in my short (relatively) 32 years.  My heart went into Atrial fibrillation and stayed that way for the better part of six hours. A-fib as it is commonly referred to, is not the same as a cardiac arrest, my heart never stopped during this ordeal.  A-fib, is essentially a short-circuiting of the upper two chambers of the heart.  It took doctors in the ER and CCU five tries with different medications to slow my heart back into a normal rhythm.  There was talk of cardioversion, however it proved to be unnecessary.  It was a time filled with anxiety and fear (particularly for my wife).  After my heart rate returned to a normal rhythm, I underwent a battery of tests and procedures to determine what if any damage had been done to my heart.  Jacqueline and I were thrilled to find out that I had suffered no damage to my heart, nor was there any concern regarding the health of my heart.  I had no blockages, blood pressure was normal, cholesterol was good, all in all I was given a challenge to live a healthier life style and thereby reduce the physical stress on my body.  The Cardiologist informed me that he believed my condition was due to stress, both external and internal.  He challenged me with the notion that although most stress is unavoidable and uncontrollable, my unwillingness to this point to control my diet, exercise and lifestyle was most definitely something within my scope to control.  He said that he believed this was the most effective way for me to deal with my body’s propensity to send my heart into Atrial Fibrillation.

I had a couple of big realizations laying in CCU overnight.  First, I really love my wife and family.  Secondly, I want to be around to see my kids get married and have kids of their own.  I prayed and asked God to still my heart, I admitted that I had lived selfishly and irresponsibly.  Shortly after-wards I fell asleep, upon waking up, I could sense that my heart had gotten back into normal rhythm.  I was grateful for another chance to do things right!

I am on a personal journey right now, one that I won’t fully understand until I get to the other-side.   I find myself pulled in every direction imaginable, and if you know me, that’s how I like it best.  I am pursuing my ministerial credentialing, finishing the work for my Master’s, being a father of two amazing kids and expecting a new addition and serving as a student pastor to almost 100 students; I am a Husband, a leader, a counselor and friend.  The challenge for me is to reposition myself to excel at this journey rather than blindly stumble through it.  I have rediscovered a passion for being a dad that I first remember feeling after holding my niece for the first time.  I remember watching her dad as he was sucked into the vortex of a daddy’s girl.  I wanted it then, I have it now!  I am blessed beyond words to describe my wife and children.  Jacqueline is my rock!  She is the quintessential helpmate, she is my champion, my very best friend and for some strange reason my biggest fan.  My children are the delight of my life.  They never fail to change my outlook.  Laughter fills our home, because of the wonderful blessings God has provided us through His gifts, our children.

I am not going to say that this will be easy, I am simply saying, I have never been this motivated.  I want to live a way that honors God, that motivates others and models right living to my children.  I want my choices to enhance, not harm my wife’s spirit.  I desire to be an example not a statistic!  So with that said, now begins the hard stuff… learning to say no, learning to embrace change and finding focus.  Paul put it this way “Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward-to Jesus.  I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.”  Phil. 3:13-14.  Over the next year I believe that change is coming.  I declared it at the start of this year and I intend to see it through.  God is going to use these days, hours and minutes to teach me the truth of James 1:1-4.  “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.  You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors.  So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”

I appreciate the love, concern and prayers expressed by so many wonderful friends and sojourners.  My prayer is that my passion might ignite yours!